These words have been on my mind a lot lately. Two months ago my daughter contracted some sort of rare virus that ended up attacking her left ear and leaving her significantly impaired. We have been told by several professionals that nothing can be done. However, yesterday we saw a specialist from in LA. This doctor said that there is a possibility of her regaining some of her hearing with a heavy round of steroid treatments. She was honest and said we should not get our hopes up, but, we are giving it a go...
It is so difficult when there is something wrong with your child. As parents, we want to fix all their hurts and give them the best life possible. And we grasp at straws when there is nothing we can do. We pray, plead, beg, & tarry over and over again on their behalf. We search for answers.
Something God has taught me this year is that although we only see time linearly and understand it through our perspective of here and now, He sees the time continuum and how all the pieces will fit beautifully together years down the road. He sees the final masterpiece of our lives and all we see are two pieces that don't even fit together.
We've struggled with how to communicate to a 7 year old that we think she is perfect just the way she is - hearing or not, yet we continue to drag her to medical appointments and through tests that possibly make her feel less. Is she seeing or believing a mixed message? When the doctor says "nothing can be done" and she sees our faces fall despite how hard we are trying to keep a poker face - what does she think? Does she think, "I am less?" We desperately hope not.
So, last night I had a pretty amazing conversation with my daughter. It was something we both needed to hear. I credit only God for any wisdom or encouragement that came out of it, but feel a deep desire to share it with you. It went like this:
"You know, I absolutely, 100% believe that God can heal you. I've seen Him heal people before and I have no doubt in my mind that He can heal you too. I pray every day that He will decide to use you as an example of a miraculous healing...but that may not be His story for your life. He may choose to not heal you and use you as an example of someone who overcame great things in spite of adversity. He may want you to become someone of great strength that goes on to make the world better in spite of something bad that happened to them. I just don't know what His story is for you. But we have to trust that He knows what's best for you. He sees your whole life and we only see right now."
This lead us to a great discussion of some heroes that overcame great struggles and contributed wonderful things to our world. We talked about Helen Keller and Martin Luther King Jr., and how maybe her name could be on a list of heroes too. It was cathartic for both of us I think. We both felt better after, more settled.
So, where am I now? Well...I'm still praying, pleading, begging, and tarrying incessantly to God to heal her, to use her as a vessel of His healing powers. And I won't stop doing that. But, if God chooses a different route for my sweet one, we will be okay. And we will know that she is meant to accomplish great things.
Would you join me in prayer?